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Aug 29 14 11:14 AM

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A professional quality video is posted on youtube.  It opens with the following text:



I will be pulling the HAIR from this City.  One bushy bear at a time.  I will be broadcasting each of my victories to the Net.  Beauty is my goal, as yadda yadda yadda because this is starting to remind me of Team Rocket.

The video cuts to a masked woman wearing body paint.  She applies hot wax and waxing strips to a man's body in a well-lighted dressing room.  As she removes the strips, the man screams for two minutes and faints.

The video cuts to the man from before as he addresses the camera.

"Since you're trying to be a visionary, stop using torture methods that were fashionable centuries ago.  No one waxes their legs these days, cause that's what nano-groomers are for.  If you want to grab the attention of those impressionable and disillusioned youths, try being a little more original in delivering your message.  Heck, I hear lasers are the latest trend in weapons."  The video fades to black and ends with the following teaser text, which quickly pops up and disappears:

The Nightly LOL
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#4 [url]

Sep 19 14 4:10 AM

The following is a report gleaned from the NCPD's archives, detailing the findings from a slain citizen in the late Otto VonDuzer's apartment.

Coroner's Report: John Doe #58739. Pronounced dead at the scene.

From the anatomical findings and pertinent history I ascribe the death to:

Anatomical Findings:
    Approximately 35-year-old white male, in substandard health antemortum. Subject shows obvious signs of malnourishment and poor personal hygine.

    Traumatic antemortum fractures of the skull associated with a gunshot wound. Caliber unknown. Entrance wound 1 1/8th inch to the left of supraorbital notch.
    Exit wound unascertainable due to massive tissue damage to left parietal bone. Greater wing of spheroid bone missing, presumed at scene of crime.
    Severe tissue damage to left parietal and occipital lobe of the brain associated with a gunshot wound. Death was likely immediate.

    Hemorrhagic fractures to the left anterior 2nd through 5th ribs with accompanying hemothorax. Approximately 2-4 days since inflicted based on healing rate.

    Cerebral cortex has been coupled with a nanological compound related to neuralware. Exact manufacturer unknown. Does not match technologial records.

    Frontal lobe and primary motor cortex show signs of degeneration. Further analysis is needed to determine specific cause.    

    Middle stages of cirrhosis of the liver. Does not appear to be alcohol related. No signs of AIDS related contusions or lesions.
    Musculature throughout #58739's body contains markers for unique biowear. Microscopic analysis shows reinforcement of neuromuscular connections.

    Contusions to right outer thigh show signs of ritualistic destruction. Tools used unknown.

        --Muscle and Brain samples sent to UNC for further analysis.

Medical Diagnosis:
    Cause of death was brain hemmorhaging due to injuries sustained from a gunshot wound.   

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